Why Do You Cigarette?

Our neighbor Jerry is a lifetime smoker. He often sits on his stoop while he burns away, and one day, while playing in the yard, Dubsie approached him with a question.

Photo credit: iStock via Daily News

Why do you cigarette?

Because I made a bad choice when I was young.

Do you like […]

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Learning to Glare

A new expression has entered Dubsie’s facial vocabulary. She is learning to give the stinkeye, the scowl, the glower, what in Spanish they call la mirada asesina (the assassin’s stare).

She thinks it is a weapon best deployed at close range. She climbs onto my chest in bed and stares into my eyeballs from an […]

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Service With a Smell

Granny diapers are the look for the younger set this year.

We have gotten Dubsie in the habit of sleeping in her own room, but she doesn’t stay there. At 2 or 3 a.m. I hear the door open and find that she’s standing attentively at my bedside with a white rectangle in her […]

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Skinny Skinny Thunder Thighs

The game starts in bed on a Saturday morning with Dubsie lying face down on top of her Mummy. Dubsie waits in silent anticipation.

“Skinny,” Mummy declares, wrapping her hands around Dubsie’s forearms.

Next she touches the neck. “Skinny,” she says with a scientist’s precision.

“Skinny,” she proclaims, grabbing the folds of Dusbie’s armpits.

[…]

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You’d Better Watch Out

We didn’t bother prepping Dubsie for her first visit to Santa, because we knew it would be disappointingly brief. There would be no lap and no photo, and Santa would not get the chance to ask Dubsie what she wanted for Christmas because there would be too much crying.

We know this because last year […]

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Wrecking Balls Inside My Brain

Out of nowhere, from the back seat of the car, Dubsie yells “wrecking balls inside my brain!” and when we turn to look she grins like she’s done something awesome.

We look at each other and mouth the question — where did she get that? — and our sweet family drive is suddenly tainted by […]

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Dangerous Times

Dubsie holds a sign we found at the site of yesterday’s rally.

I wish this blog post was another meditation my adorable three-year-old daughter and the things she says and does. But I have to turn my attention instead to Donald Trump, who represents a very real danger to Dubsie’s future.

Dubsie is big […]

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My First Nemesis

Dubsie’s first bully is a boy with long silky brown hair, a wearer of berets and vests and gaily colored pants, who yanked hard on Dubsie’s earring when she had been at her new preschool only a few days. Let’s call him Newman.

Dubsie was not going to let bygones be bygones. “There,” she told […]

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The Toothbrush Confessions

Dubsie doesn’t like to talk about her day. Ask her what she did at preschool and she says “Nothing!” or ignores the question and goes back to her Legos, a miniature teenager who hasn’t yet learned to sulk.

At night when it’s time for dental hygiene, I float a toothbrush in her direction and get […]

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I love you, but I don’t like you

This is what Dubsie is telling me this week. She goes on to add that she loves Mummy and she likes Mummy. Then she tells me again, in case it wasn’t clear the first time, that she loves me but doesn’t like me.

When pressed for details (by Mummy, object of all affection) she divulges […]

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